when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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