For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
