So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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