i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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