what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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