capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
