when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
