Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
