Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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