please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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