um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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