well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
