The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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