I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
