It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
