I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
