They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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