they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
