I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
