they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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