DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
