I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
