sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
