She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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