just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
