And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
