we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
