I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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