you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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