I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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