I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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