You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
