8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
