were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So squirting runs in the family.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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