Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
