Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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