I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The adults are the big ones right?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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