Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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