too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
