How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish i was in the wii world.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
