She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
