he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
