i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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