just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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