We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
