Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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