u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
