Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
