I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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