can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
