he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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