so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
