We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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