worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
