i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize