One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
