you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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