I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
