i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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