Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize