ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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