You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
