This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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