I wish I could teleport
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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