One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
