Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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