I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
