my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
