I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Buhtt sex?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
