just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
