no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Please, let me fuck your mom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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