Your face is a jimmy john
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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