Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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